I would like to share something about my experience of this competition in response to the contributions by Shattered Men.
During the course of the competition, in conversations with some of the award-winning organizations and individuals who took the time and care from long work days to contribute to this open sourcing, I asked the question. "Do you provide services for battered men?" Many expressed a keen interest in the question and answered, "there is a need for this", and they would like to play a more active role seeing this need being addressed. Some said, they did not quite know where to start. Key issues they raised: They can hardly meet the demand they are facing from among female victims, with resources already stretched. Many indicated they had tried to access funding to begin building programmes for male victims of abuse, but had been unsuccessful in obtaining funds. For reasons they were all too familiar with. Having been in a similar position many years before, when they started out serving female victims: Little understanding, awareness or appreciation of the need. Lack of data to back up the claim. Gender bias and stereotypes. Etc.
Second, they were not sure how to take existing expertise and programmes and transform them to meet the needs of male clients, for complex reasons, some of which you have tried to bring forth. There is some awareness among these dedicated practitioners and there is interest. So, what is the next step?
How did these organizations grow and become successful in their work addressing female victims of intimate partner violence, children and elders? How were they able to articulate the need, gather the data, build the expertise, generate the resources, generate dialogue, participation, and build movements around their work? There is an incredible wealth of experience at our fingertips now. And people who are willing to share it with others. Indeed they have done so here.
So, what can Shattered Men and others advocating for the prevention of violence and abuse towards male partners - learn from a movement which appears to have gained some ground, relatively speaking? How does one engage in dialogue and invite these people, with experience, interest and compassion, to help male victims of abuse articulate and build their movement? I support you wholeheartedly in this endeavour and in a second and equally important endeavour, which this dilemma points us towards.
Dissolving the boundaries we tend to construct around violence. Human Violence is much deeper and more complex than that which is widely understood. Are we just scratching the surface in terms of building the road map away from it? Is Anger male or female? Is Hatred Muslim or Christian? Is Ill-Will Caucasian or Chinese? The truth is, when pushed beyond our skills, each of us is capable of acting unskillfully, regardless of our male or female form.
It has been truly inspiring to read through the work and the solutions people have dedicated years to building. Solutions that empower indviduals and communities- with the skills we need to ensure both internal and external conflict - in the context of intimate relations, are resolved in non-violent ways. What is more, to see the movements building around each of the solutions, due to their wider applicability. I am inspired also by the strong focus on solutions rather than on causes and conditions alone.
The opportunity is there- to take what is useful, forge partnerships and join others in refreshing the dialogue and building a movement which is more inclusive, more informed, and one that pushes us all to invest deeper in the endeavour of violence prevention.
I have been following the debate and issues on violence are taking interesting twist. I think that when addressing violence it is not very easy to brand violence on one particular section of human race male or female. I think all of us have contributed to the perpetration, spread and maintenance of violence.
In Africa the situation is even more complex, violence is constructed over a period of time by the society. To deconstruct violence and come up with an ideal human being we need to mobilise support from both men and women. I think it will be wrong if our work will be to motivate victims to be more violent or urging them to adopt the traits of the perpetrators. Therefore, it is important for all of us to take action against the vice through the platforms at our disposal.
For an organization that makes the idea of making change a part of its name, it's disappointing to see that there is no real change here. Men are still demonized, male victims are still left without anywhere to turn, and those of us who are attempting to work with male victims of domestic violence are left so far out in the cold that the only people who even comment on our work are the others who also work with male victims, or the men and those who care for them.
It reminds me of the situation my own mother faced in the 60s, when her husband could threaten to have her committed if she dared to attempt to leave him or defend herself against his violence. After all, you'd have to be crazy to fight back against the accepted order - and women's violence against men IS the accepted order.
I am amazed at the double standards here in Changemakers.
For example....there is no representation from men here unless it focuses on blaming men. In spite of an enormous amount of unbiased research that men are abused also, there is NO help for them here.
For example Men Can Stop Rape is a finalist. Now that it was shown that no crime was committed, they are remarkable silent just like "Rev" Sharpton and Jackson. Well actually a crime was committed,.... by the accuser but as predicted by many...NO CHARGES will be filed. This is typical. It is typical in the many false accusations of rape, it is typical in the many false accusations of domestic abuse which is often occurs pending a divorce when the accuser want to assure she keeps everything. Many of us have seen the cartoons of a emasculated ex husband as she gloats...I got everything! (with the "trophies" hanging on her wall.) This can only occur because society knows it essentially is true.
Why is it only the man's burden to stop all of this? Where is the outcry when it is proven a false accusation of rape or domestic violence has been made?
Let me give a few examples of this false accusation and in one we will see the danger to WOMEN that will often occur because we do not look at BOTH sides!
Mary Winkler shot her husband and used the abuse excuse. He of course is not here to defend himself as happens in many of these cases so it does not get logged as in intimate partner homicide. She said it was an accident yet she made sure the phone was not working, and she made plans for a get away well before the "accident" Why did she not use the services of the shelters that women have all over the United States if she was abused? There sure are enough public service announcements for it yet she was allowed to defame her husbands name. Oh yea...there was little said about her falling for the scam in which she lost $17,000 which her husband did not know about but was about to find out...thus the motive.
The Early Show on CBS had a segment on a new women's shelter created
after a police chief murdered his wife and then took his own life.
I am not sure of the actual situation in this case, but I do know
many of these happen when one is falsely accused and are about to
lose all they have. I sent this to the Early Show. (there is
a "contact us" at the bottom of their web site:
I just saw your segment on domestic violence. Most all of what I see
in the media is one sided. There are over 2,000 shelters for women
in the United States and every state has laws to protect women.
There are only three shelters that will help men who are abused and
none of them can accept his children, yet men are abused at an equal
rate as are women. Even according to the Department of Justice, 39%
are men and that is with many men being arrested when they are the
victims. This of course would throw off any demographics so that is
why I believe the real rate is equal.
Many wanted to get Congress to change the Violence Against Women Act
to a Domestic Violence Act which would give equal protection to both
men and women and would hold each equally accountable for their own
actions. Many groups which state they want equal rights for women
were violently opposed to this showing they do not want equality,
they want superiority. To look at only one side of this issue
before passing these types of laws is like asking the KKK to write
Racial Relationship laws.
I contend that the VAWA is more about money then about real abuse.
When we reward someone for being abused, we will find many
more "victims" We are told many myths regarding domestic violence
such as more women go to the emergency room for domestic violence
then for rapes muggings and auto accidents combined. In reality,
more go for dog bites then for domestic violence.
The real rate of domestic violence is far far less then the numbers
these "advocates" state it is. Women and children are safest in
intact homes when they are married.
Why not get input from all sides? I also ask that why did the media
stop asking those that may oppose a viewpoint for their side of the
issues?
We have written about murder/suicides. I firmly believe many of
these are due to false accusations for which these men know they
will lose everything they had including their children with out due
process of law
I also believe that a police officer would know the deck is stacked
against him although I am not saying this was the situation in this
case.
Unless we look at both sides, more women will be harmed as well as
more men. Is it not time to Value ALL our people? Is it not time to
hold each adult responsible and accountable for their own actions
instead of allowing them to say someone made them do it?
One of our children's advocates did some research on this case. Within moments she discovered that there was NO accusations of domestic violence against David until midway through a heated divorce although there was a lot of evidence that she abused him which was sweep under the rug after this incident.
Duke Case: Unusual Only Because The Prosecutor Got Caught
Now that the Duke Lacrosse players have been declared innocent by the new district attorney, we're being told that this is an unusual case caused by one out-of-control prosecutor. It's not. The only thing unusual about this case is that the innocent victims of false accusation had the resources to defend themselves against the overwhelming power of the state. Just as rape is unquestionably a serious problem, so too are false accusations of rape. Too many prosecutors fail to recognize that it's not an either/or choice. Both are true.
Since most of those falsely accused of rape lack the resources to defend themselves, the system convicts many innocent men. Even when the accuser later owns up, the system resists correcting the injustice. Consider Illinois' notorious prosecution of Gary Dotson. Dotson's accuser spent half a decade guilt-ridden over having put an innocent man in prison. When she finally confessed, prosecutors didn't want to hear it. They had reason to stonewall. State police forensic scientist Timothy Dixon had given perjured testimony.1
Wrongdoing by the city of Marlborough, Mass. resulted in a $13.6 million judgment against them for causing the imprisonment of an innocent man. Eric Sarsfield, who spent nearly a decade in prison for a rape he did not commit, says he and the rape victim were "manipulated, cheated, and betrayed by law enforcement officers more interested in closing a case and getting a conviction than in playing by the rules."2
Nifong is no "rogue prosecutor". In too many places in the country, Nifong's behavior is standard operating procedure.
Our system has become so disinterested in protecting the rights of the falsely accused that some people now think making false accusations is a good business plan. In Sacramento, Calif., Jessica Langshaw falsely accused three men of rape and five others of sexual assault in order to extort $500,000 from them.3
Objective research indicates that about half of reported forcible rape accusations are false.4,5 That also means that about half are true. A blanket policy of treating all accusations as true causes just as much harm to innocent people as would be caused if the policy were to treat all such accusations as false.
TRUTH relies on ALL sides being heard. When one relies only on half the information, there can be no truth.,...only a witch hunt.
Just about every entry here looks at only ONE side of this issue. Shattered Men has proven we DO look at BOTH sides. We will keep on doing so with or without any help from others as we have already shown that we have helped many with a very low budget but I do ask....the next time you read of a murder/suicide...ask yourself it it could have been prevented if someone had listened...to BOTH SIDES!
5 Kanin EJ. An alarming national trend: False rape allegations. Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 23, No. 1, 1994 http://www.sexcriminals.com/library/doc-1002-1.pdf
Early Sunday Morning, April 1st, 2007 someone hacked into my account and deleted the interactive group for Shattered Men. This is where most of the work for Shattered Men was done. They also gained access to the e-mail account that we used which contained confidential information from our membership both as an ordained minister and as a registered nurse but it appears they simply deleted that as quickly as they could but we lost several thousand messages there too.
In this deletion, we lost all of the information that has been posted since Oct. 31, 1999 including over 40,000 messages along with the contact information for 990 members.
We will rebuild. Yahoo is working on trying to recover some of this information and they have said they do know who did it. We will be requesting criminal charges be filed with the FBI who has already been contacted regarding this.
Although there is overwhelming evidence from unbiased sources that men make up 38% to half the victims of abuse, very few resources are available for men. In turn, this actually harms more women.
Unless we look at BOTH sides, we will not resolve this problem but it appears that someone is willing to break United States federal laws to keep BOTH sides from being exposed!
The criminal action taken against Rev. Deemer and the men his ministry serves is typical of the type of actions taken against anyone who speaks out against domestic violence against men.
From Erin Pizzey, who was told by Scotland Yard that they could not protect her against the death threats against her family, to Suzanne Steinmetz, who had to cancel speaking engagements due to bomb threats made against the venues, to the men who are in prison for defending themselves against women with murderous intent, the violence against men, and those who would support them, continues.
It is for this reason (among many others) that Changemakers should take the lead in taking a stand against domestic violence against men.
"It is for this reason (among many others) that Changemakers should take the lead in taking a stand against domestic violence against men."
Bill.....if you have seen the 15 finalist...you will see that not there is NO help for abused men here....just as in the laws of the land. The Violence Against Women Act gives billions to abused women and rightly so..but not ONE DIME to help half the victims of domestic violence. As always men are expendable for political correctness. As a result I fear that more WOMEN will be harmed because no one wants to hear the TRUTH...and to be true...BOTH sides have to have input.....
A message I wrote about Virgina Tech applies here:
By now, many of you have heard the tragic news coming from VIRGINIA
TECH where a lone gunman shot and killed 31 people. Many others are
in hospitals with gunshot wounds. Our prayers are first of all with
those that are wounded who may be clinging to life. Our prayers are
also with the families and the students who have lost friends and
loved ones and who may have been at the site even wondering if they
would be the next victim.
There are no words to describe this tragic event. At this time we do
not know a motive but I can not think of a single motive to justify
this type of action. Still it would help to understand why some may
get to this point of desperation.
Students often communicate their plans before attacks. Kip Kinkel
wrote in his journal, "Hate drives me. ... I am so full of rage. ...
Everyone is against me. ... As soon as my hope is gone, people die."
After he was expelled for bringing a gun to school in Springfield,
Ore., the 15-year-old killed his parents, then two students in the
school cafeteria, on May 21, 1998.
"As soon as my hope is gone....people die" I think that says it
best. Most of these type of things happen because the shooter feels
hopeless and that nothing will ever get better.
I ask....how many people is our society placing in a position to feel
like they have lost all hope?
MSNBC has a list of ten myths in school violence located at:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15111438/page/2/
One I would like to accent:
Myth No. 9. "We did everything we could to help him."
"Many attackers felt bullied, persecuted or injured by others prior
to the attack," and said they had tried without success to get
someone to intervene. Administrators and teachers were targeted in
more than half the incidents.
I did send this to MSNBC news: (Please read my conclusion after this
message to them)
I would like to refer to myth #9 "We did everything we could to help
him."
It goes on to say that many of these shooters did try to get help but
they had tried without success to get someone to intervene.
Our society is setting up a whole group of people who have been
trying without success to get someone to help them. No one is
listening.
A few months ago, a man killed his ex wife and then shot a judge
through a window. He tried to get someone to listen. No one would.
I have been working with hundreds of men who are trying to get
someone to listen to their side of domestic violence but most often,
they are the ones arrested for being abused. One of our men was
taking his son away from an abusive mother when he was stabbed in the
back. She told the police someone kidnapped her son and if I
remember right, he did it at gunpoint. The police did stop him while
he was still bleeding from the stab wound and despite his pleas that
he was protecting his son, they threw him on the ground forcefully
and gave his son back to an abusive mother.
This is far from uncommon. The Department of Justice states almost
40% of all domestic violence victims are men (this in spite of many
men being arrested for being abuse) but there is still not one dime
of money to help these men and their children. (there is strong
reason to believe the abuse rate is equal between men and women)
Many of these men state they feel helpless and hopeless. I
wonder...are we setting up a whole group of people to become this
desperate?
Anytime I hear about a murder/suicide, I do wonder what would have
happen if we listened to BOTH sides of the story?
We do have a lot of information on this because we do feel that the
best way to resolve this conflict is to look at BOTH sides
There are many resources from unbiased sources...sources that do not
get paid for what they find. If we use only the biased sources, it
would be like asking Ronald McDonald what the best hamburger is.
There are some resources you can check:
http://www.mediaradar.org/
RADAR Special Reports
Effects of VAWA
Threat to Families
VAWA Discriminates Against Male Victims
Abuse of Domestic Restraining Orders
Justice Denied: Arrest Policies for DV
Bias in the Judiciary
A Culture of False Allegations
Has VAWA Delivered on its Promises to Women?
To conclude, Unless we look at BOTH sides, the problem will not be
resolved, it will only get worse
Pastor Kenneth Deemer
Director Shattered Men
P.O. BOX 166
MARION INDIANA 46952-0166
shatteredmen@earthlink.net
JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month
Web site: http://www.shatterdmen.com
Interactive Group: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Shatteredmen/
The feelings of being helpless and hopeless will make anyone
dangerous. Many have exhausted all of their resources trying to
fight an unjust system and then they will either give up and do
nothing, or they sometimes take drastic actions. If you have gotten
to this point I would like to encourage you to become A Formidable
Enemy and to fight this system in the right ways.
http://www.shatterdmen.com/Enemy.htm
I also want to remind each one that King David felt like this too.
In fact, many have felt hopeless but they did find hope in one man,
Jesus Christ. He has promised that someday real justice would be
given and no one will pull the wool over HIS eyes. There will
however be two judgements...you can make sure you are at the right
one with this link
http://www.shatterdmen.com/first_step.htm
Pastor Kenneth Deemer
Director Shattered Men
P.O. BOX 166
MARION INDIANA 46952-0166
shatteredmen@earthlink.net
JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month
Web site: http://www.shatterdmen.com
Interactive Group: http://health.gro
Your Changemakers Competition: No Private Matter! Ending Abuse in Intimate & Family Relations - is vitally important for identifying and highlighting best practices and models in the constant challenging of addressing global violence against women and girls and abuse in intimate and family relations. Domestic violence is universal, impacting all countries, levels of society, and personal demographics. Because it occurs in the private sphere, it is harder to have awareness, social action, and support on the multidimensional social and personal scars of domestic violence.
For 13 years, I was a trained Domestic Violence Advocate on contract, in a major metropolitan area. I took the night shifts, often on week ends. Many of the calls first came from the police. Then, we worked with the victims. The stories and pain echo in my mind and soul. The hope was the call for help. I also remember when we first used the Language Line, and were able to more effectively serve our increasing immigrant population.
I am pleased to share with you a poem by Paulette Kelly on fatal domestic violence. The reality is that women and girls do die because of violence in private and family relationships. May we continue to strive to create peace in our world, and very much in personal relationships.
Lois A. Herman
Coordinator WUNRN
Women's UN Report Network
I got flowers today!
It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night. And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt.
I know that he is sorry and didn’t mean to say the things he said
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today!
It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night he threw me into a wall and then started choking me.
It seemed like a nightmare, but you wake up from nightmares to find they aren’t real.
I got flowers today!
It wasn’t Valentine’s Day or any other special day.
Make up and long sleeves didn’t hide the cuts and bruises this time.
I couldn’t go to work because I didn’t want anyone to know - but I know he’s sorry
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today!
And it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day.
Last night he beat me again, and it was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him now, what will I do? How will I take care of the kids? What about money?
I’m afraid of him, but I’m too scared and dependent to leave him. But he must be sorry
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today...
Today was a very special day - It was the day of my funeral.
Last night he finally killed me - I was beaten to death.
If only I would have gathered the courage and strength to leave him.
The women’s shelter could have helped me, but I didn’t ask for their help.
So I got flowers today...for the last time.
"Today, March 8, International Womens Day is the day that offers the world community the opportunity to celebrate the contributions of women and come to grips with the fact that millions and millions of our sisters are discriminated against, treated as second class citizens, and live oppressed and constricted lives.
The truth is, gender discrimination is the greatest human rights violation in our world today.
A staggering number of women unnecessarily die in childbirth each and every day.
For the first time in the history of HIV/AIDS more women and children than men are infected.
Of the children not in school, most are girls.
Two-thirds of the worlds illiterates are women.
80% of the worlds refugees are women and children.
Violence against girls and women is endemic.
130 million women have suffered female genital mutilation.
100 million girls and women are missing from our world because of sex-selective abortion, female infanticide, malnourishment, abuse and neglect.
Not only is the selfhood of millions and millions of women denied, but gender discrimination is also the primary cause of the persistence of hunger and abject poverty, the rapid spread of HIV/AIDS and a key contributing factor to the unchecked violence that plagues our world.
So today, in commemoration of International Womens Dayand in support of our sisters in the developing worldI urge you to speak up and speak out about the status of women in our world. I encourage you to share this communication with your family, friends and colleagues. Together, lets break the silence that shrouds, and keeps in place, gender discrimination in our world.
Upcoming Book
To me, there is no issue on the planet more important than the subjugation of women, and I am deeply committed that this extraordinary violation of human rights comes to an end. The gender inequality of women in the developing world is the great moral issue of our age, and it is the primary cause of the persistence of hunger and abject poverty and the rapid spread of HIV/AIDS.
I am writing this book to make these issues known. I am writing this book to give voice to the marginalized, voiceless, powerless and invisible women of the developing world. I am writing this book so the reader can take a stand that this senseless, largely invisible, devastating oppression come to an end.
This book will make known the cradle to grave discrimination of women in South Asia, as well as the lifetime of drudgery for women in Sub-Saharan Africa. The book will make the case that women are at the center of development and that they must be empowered as the key change agents if our world community is to resolve the key issues facing us.
Ive lived in India and spent time in 17 countries of sub-Saharan AfricaI know the women of the developing world. Ive been in their homes. Ive met their children, and I know their lives. I promise you that they are worthy of being known, supported and empowered. In fact, if we continue to oppress them, we do so at our own peril.
It is my intention to finish writing the book by the end of this year. We want to make this book widely available, in multiple languages. I will keep you apprised of the progress of the book. If you have comments or questions, please send them to Priyanka Sinha at ps@thp.org.
I deeply treasure our relationship and partnership,
March 8 is International Women’s Day: A Day to celebrate partnerships to end abuse!
Family violence touches women, men, elders, children. International Women's Day is a day to celebrate and reflect the achievements made in empowering women to live free of violence and to reflect on how strong partnerships can help us end all forms of intimate violence and abuse.
There are many global achievements for women and their families and partners to celebrate today. A recent UN study found that 89 countries have adopted legislation addressing domestic violence. Many more have legislation in draft form or have adopted action plans to end gender-based violence. 104 countries have made marital rape a crime.
The building blocks of prevention are increasingly sound. The Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW) has been ratified by 185 countries placing women’s human rights front and centre on the agendas of governments. Laws and policies are being adopted to strengthen women’s economic security including her access to land and capital, her right to work and the unleashing of her market savvy and business networks. Measures to increase women’s political participation have been adopted in more than 95 countries.
How can these achievements be transformed on the ground, in the every day lives of women and their families and partners, allowing all to live free from violence, abuse and neglect? How are women forging partnerships with men, businesses and education to fuel this transformation? How is our work in violence prevention addressing the link between poverty and violence? Where can we engage religious and spiritual leaders? What are some encouraging examples of partnerships with media? Do we have award programmes for young women, boys and girls for their leadership in violence prevention?
Inspiring examples have been posted on the No Private Matter! Competition site so far. In the three weeks ahead to the March 28 deadline, we look forward to seeing how individual commitment to innovation, impact and sustainability will help to scale up the movement to end abuse and take the achievements we celebrate today to the next stage.
What have we learned from child abuse and gender based violence that can be applied to the movement against elder abuse? In myriad ways, generations are interwoven and interdependent. Each one of us will age and die. At some level each of us is aware of these truths. How is it then, that our interpersonal relationships, institutions and policies can be elder blind? In the world of bottom lines and just-in-time, are we conditioned to equate value of a human being with his or her ability to produce and re-produce for the economy in conventional ways? Do our cultures, media and education systems teach us that the value of our friends, family and community members have a shelf-life?
Elder abuse has emerged into the public sphere quietly, a silent sister to child abuse and other forms of family violence. Similar to other types of violence, abuse of the elderly includes physical, sexual and psychological abuse, as well as neglect. Elders are particularly vulnerable to economic abuse. Several factors contribute to the vulnerability of elders to abuse and neglect. The loss of friends and family and weaker bonds between generations may cause elders to be left behind by those who would traditionally have cared for them. It can be caused by the stress of providing care for a dependant as they develop infirmities. Systems of inheritance and land rights affect the distribution of power and material goods within families, a gender issue as well as an elders’ issue. In cultures where women have inferior social status, elderly women are particularly at risk of being abandoned.
Although statistics on rights, status and abuse of elders are scarce, Helpage International and the WorId Health Organization confirm that people around the world experience poverty and discrimination as they age. In Mozambique high levels of illiteracy among older people limit their knowledge of their legal rights. In Rajasthan, India, only 6% of respondents in a survey reported having a source of income. A survey undertaken by HelpAge International in Nanyuki province in Kenya, indicated 3 in every 10 older people are abandoned at hospital and paramedics reportedly suggest giving precious drugs to old people is wasteful. Where there are good support services for the elderly, they may have difficulty accessing them. Older people in Bolivia are entitled to pensions and free health carebut only 32% make use of them due to lack of documentation, particularly in rural areas. Recent surveys have also indicated that older people are the lowest priority among humanitarian agencies worldwide. In the weeks after the Indian Ocean tsunami disaster in December 2004, a survey of 1,507 older people in Cuddalore, India, revealed most had received very little or no benefit from aid relief efforts underway.
Some progress has been made to bring elder abuse to light. The International Network for the Prevention of Elder Abuse (INPEA) was founded in 1997, a global network committed to the prevention of elder abuse. The United Nations convened on the topic in 2002 and all countries adopted the Madrid International Plan of Action on Ageing, which puts elder abuse in the framework of Universal Human Rights. HelpAge International has named ten actions to end age discrimination, including advocating for social pensions for all elders to protect us all from poverty as we age. On June 15, 2006, the first World Elder Abuse Awareness Day was held, a collaboration of individuals, NGO's, academics, governments and corporations.
Much is still needed to inform communities and professionals about elder abuse. More needs to be done to awaken our sense of gratitude and respect for elders and change neglectful policies. How can abuse prevention programmes everywhere become more elder sensitive?
While I completely agree with Lisa and others on the importance of increased attention to elder abuse, an equally important area in need of attention is abuse of people with disabilities. Children, the elderly and people with disability share one key characteristic in common -- their vulnerability. Women and men may be empowered to protect themselves to a large extent, but small children, the frail elderly and people with disability need a different approach that focuses on protection and prevention. Lisa was disappointed that there were only three entries focused on elder abuse, but there are none that I could see that focus on protection of people with disabilities.
Those who have a developmental disability are especially at risk because they are unable to protect themselves, are often very trusting and are easily taken advantage of.
Young children, many of the elderly and many disabled people are also especially vulnerable to physical and psychological abuse because of the strains that their care may impose on carers, particularly when the carer lacks support. Thus, support systems for carers is an important strategy for prevention of abuse in these cases.
Respect for the human dignity of small children, the elderly and people with disability is also an important element of prevention. Recently in Australia in a very sad case, the parents of a seriously disabled boy who had been physically abused in the home where he had was "cared" for, was murdered by the parents because of their concern for his welfare when he was returned to the home. Fortunately, the court system had the sense not to impose a jail sentence although the finding was one of murder.
Violence against the disabled remains an aspect of domestic violence that still requires attention, in our schools, in the community and in institutions. Perhaps some of the existing programmes participating in this competition could consider how they might contribute?
I second Lorraine on the issue regarding abuse of disabled people. I work in the area of sexual assault and am part of a Coalition on Victims and Vulnerable Populations where we are trying to address the particular vulnerability of disabled individuals to sexual assault and domestic violence. Our entry is designed to specifically work to increase awareness, broaden training of allied professionals, and develop more appropriate services to individuals in need of specialized services, better and more appropriately trainined personnel and improved access to services.
Carol Ann Olson
Rappahannock Council Against Sexual Assault
Fredericksburg, Virginia
www.rcasa.org
Connection between disability and Abuse of women (their mothers).
I strongly support the views that encourage raising awareness on abuse of the disabled people. The issue of abuse of disabled people is a global issue. Yet, in most cases in Africa, this abuse does not only stop at the person with a disability. It goes a long way to affect the mother of such a person. In many African communities, disability is associated with a curse. Therefore, a woman who gives birth to such a child is regarded as a curse and therefore a bad omen to the family and the community as a whole. Consequently, a woman who gives birth to a child with disabilities is normally beaten by her husband and other members of the husband’s family or even chassed away from her matrimonial home because she is considered to having bad luck.
I once worked with a project called Community Action to Support Education which was trying to change the attitudes of community members and parents to view the disabled children in the same way as their normal counterparts and help to integrate them to the regular school system. However, many parents and the community at large seemed to have a very negative attitude towards these children to an extent that they would hide them whenever community volunteers approached their homes to make follow-up on the progress of the children or whenever they wanted to get them registered into school. The family would rather hid such a child, and pretend that it does not exist, or violently abuse the mother including physical abuse or sending her away from the family because “she has brought a bad omen to the family”. Therefore, I strongly insist that empowering women is a very important aspect of eliminating abuse for all types of people, in homes, communities and in our world. An empowered woman will stand from her God given position of motherhood which is filled with love, to protect the interests of her child who has a disability.
M.H. Lubelsky In Canada Elder abuse is the most hidden crime. Living in a social mosaic, we still do not acknowledge negligence, psychological abuse, and financial abuse within the main stream of our society, and it is certainly the most hidden form of crime within our ethnic and cultural minorities. Many of our seniors in different cultural communities, speak neither English nor French, consequently they become isolated and as they age they become more dependent, and must rely on institutions, which neither understand nor are able to accommodate the needs of seniors, whose birthplace is not Canada. The myths that families are able to take of their seniors, within the cultural communities still prevails. We started a program to sensitize elders within different ethnic communities, using 'Forum Theater', to present cases of abuse, which has the possibility to escalate to more violent forms of crime. It is a huge task we have undertaken. We are reaching a limited number of seniors and our goal is to sensitize elders, not only to recognize abuse committed against their peers, but become advocates to prevent further abuse.
I personally have been involved with a marginalized segment of society, most of my adult life. It is only lately I have observed a greater awakening and expression by seniors about the treatment and the lack of respect they receive in our society. This to me this is encouraging, but it is not enough to solve the problem.
Dear CM Community – There have been some recent questions on the eligibility and criteria of the “No Private Matter!” Competition. With that, I wanted to take the opportunity to draw attention to the NEW Changemakers Frequently Asked Questions, which answers questions ranging from eligibility, how to enter, evaluation criteria, and deadlines. I’ll list a few of the most common questions below, but encourage you to browse the section whenever you may have a question on CM. And of course, if you have new, unanswered questions, please let us know through the "contact us" button at the top of the page.
What are the criteria for winning?
The winners of this Changemakers Collaborative Competition will be those entries that best meet the following criteria: Innovation, Social Impact, and Sustainability. Visit the competitions section to learn more about the criteria and guidelines.
Is geography a consideration in the competition judging?
Changemakers promotes participation from innovators around the world but country of origin is not part of the assessment criteria. Changemakers evaluates each entry on its ability to demonstrate innovation, social impact and sustainability.
It’s a privilege for me to add a few comments to this important discussion. There is no doubt in my mind that sustained global engagement of those working on the challenges posed by abuse and violence in all variations is a critical step to ending the cycle of abuse.
In partnership with Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, Ashoka’s Changemakers.net’s No Private Matter! collaborative competition is an unprecedented opportunity to look carefully at the problem of abuse using Ashoka’s global viewpoint to map the problem and open source solutions.
In my 20 year association with Ashoka I have had distinct priviledge of viewing the world through a lens of solutions rather than problems. Changemakers’ “open sourcing social solutions” approach shares this all too-rare perspective with the world. It is this shift in perspective which is required for change. This effort in open sourcing is a special blend of global, organizational, institutional, and individual transparency. It is rooted in the conviction that self-motivated, self-selecting changemakers, committed to action -- will solve the problems that matter most.
Intimate and family abuse undermines the very core of human dignity. I encourage you to take this opportunity to profile your solutions and to dialogue with citizens who are committed to innovation, impact and sustainable solutions. Together we will bring the issue into the open and ensure it is no private matter.
In the United States, more than 30 years ago, domestic violence survivors and their allies across the country took groundbreaking steps to break the silence and demand safety, healing and accountability. Groups of women transformed their personal pain and outrage into a national movement. The domestic violence movement developed shelters and services, changed public policy and influenced societal norms. It has achieved remarkable gains, realized primarily through efforts to pursue safety for victims and accountability for perpetrators. Regrettably, however, in the 21st century intimate partner violence (IPV) remains an unacceptably common problem, and one that transcends all countries and cultures.
At the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation (RWJF), we believe that innovative approaches are needed to break the continuing tragedy of intimate partner violence. We know that innovators throughout the world are addressing this critically important issue, and hope that this Changemakers competition will point the way toward new solutions that may curb IPV in the U.S.
Greater attention to advancing promising prevention approaches is essential to furthering the field and achieving dramatic reductions in rates of IPV. We are excited to collaborate with Changemakers on the “No Private Matter!” competition and hope that everyone who cares about this problem and has ideas about how to address it will actively participate. The innovative solutions and collaborative feedback that you submit will be tremendously valuable in informing RWJF’s thinking on future efforts to reduce IPV in the United States.
Jeane Ann Grisso, M.D.
Senior Program Officer
Robert Wood Johnson Foundation
I would like to share something about my experience of this competition in response to the contributions by Shattered Men.
During the course of the competition, in conversations with some of the award-winning organizations and individuals who took the time and care from long work days to contribute to this open sourcing, I asked the question. "Do you provide services for battered men?" Many expressed a keen interest in the question and answered, "there is a need for this", and they would like to play a more active role seeing this need being addressed. Some said, they did not quite know where to start. Key issues they raised: They can hardly meet the demand they are facing from among female victims, with resources already stretched. Many indicated they had tried to access funding to begin building programmes for male victims of abuse, but had been unsuccessful in obtaining funds. For reasons they were all too familiar with. Having been in a similar position many years before, when they started out serving female victims: Little understanding, awareness or appreciation of the need. Lack of data to back up the claim. Gender bias and stereotypes. Etc.
Second, they were not sure how to take existing expertise and programmes and transform them to meet the needs of male clients, for complex reasons, some of which you have tried to bring forth. There is some awareness among these dedicated practitioners and there is interest. So, what is the next step?
How did these organizations grow and become successful in their work addressing female victims of intimate partner violence, children and elders? How were they able to articulate the need, gather the data, build the expertise, generate the resources, generate dialogue, participation, and build movements around their work? There is an incredible wealth of experience at our fingertips now. And people who are willing to share it with others. Indeed they have done so here.
So, what can Shattered Men and others advocating for the prevention of violence and abuse towards male partners - learn from a movement which appears to have gained some ground, relatively speaking? How does one engage in dialogue and invite these people, with experience, interest and compassion, to help male victims of abuse articulate and build their movement? I support you wholeheartedly in this endeavour and in a second and equally important endeavour, which this dilemma points us towards.
Dissolving the boundaries we tend to construct around violence. Human Violence is much deeper and more complex than that which is widely understood. Are we just scratching the surface in terms of building the road map away from it? Is Anger male or female? Is Hatred Muslim or Christian? Is Ill-Will Caucasian or Chinese? The truth is, when pushed beyond our skills, each of us is capable of acting unskillfully, regardless of our male or female form.
It has been truly inspiring to read through the work and the solutions people have dedicated years to building. Solutions that empower indviduals and communities- with the skills we need to ensure both internal and external conflict - in the context of intimate relations, are resolved in non-violent ways. What is more, to see the movements building around each of the solutions, due to their wider applicability. I am inspired also by the strong focus on solutions rather than on causes and conditions alone.
The opportunity is there- to take what is useful, forge partnerships and join others in refreshing the dialogue and building a movement which is more inclusive, more informed, and one that pushes us all to invest deeper in the endeavour of violence prevention.
Good people,
I have been following the debate and issues on violence are taking interesting twist. I think that when addressing violence it is not very easy to brand violence on one particular section of human race male or female. I think all of us have contributed to the perpetration, spread and maintenance of violence.
In Africa the situation is even more complex, violence is constructed over a period of time by the society. To deconstruct violence and come up with an ideal human being we need to mobilise support from both men and women. I think it will be wrong if our work will be to motivate victims to be more violent or urging them to adopt the traits of the perpetrators. Therefore, it is important for all of us to take action against the vice through the platforms at our disposal.
For an organization that makes the idea of making change a part of its name, it's disappointing to see that there is no real change here. Men are still demonized, male victims are still left without anywhere to turn, and those of us who are attempting to work with male victims of domestic violence are left so far out in the cold that the only people who even comment on our work are the others who also work with male victims, or the men and those who care for them.
It reminds me of the situation my own mother faced in the 60s, when her husband could threaten to have her committed if she dared to attempt to leave him or defend herself against his violence. After all, you'd have to be crazy to fight back against the accepted order - and women's violence against men IS the accepted order.
I am amazed at the double standards here in Changemakers.
For example....there is no representation from men here unless it focuses on blaming men. In spite of an enormous amount of unbiased research that men are abused also, there is NO help for them here.
For example Men Can Stop Rape is a finalist. Now that it was shown that no crime was committed, they are remarkable silent just like "Rev" Sharpton and Jackson. Well actually a crime was committed,.... by the accuser but as predicted by many...NO CHARGES will be filed. This is typical. It is typical in the many false accusations of rape, it is typical in the many false accusations of domestic abuse which is often occurs pending a divorce when the accuser want to assure she keeps everything. Many of us have seen the cartoons of a emasculated ex husband as she gloats...I got everything! (with the "trophies" hanging on her wall.) This can only occur because society knows it essentially is true.
Why is it only the man's burden to stop all of this? Where is the outcry when it is proven a false accusation of rape or domestic violence has been made?
Let me give a few examples of this false accusation and in one we will see the danger to WOMEN that will often occur because we do not look at BOTH sides!
Mary Winkler shot her husband and used the abuse excuse. He of course is not here to defend himself as happens in many of these cases so it does not get logged as in intimate partner homicide. She said it was an accident yet she made sure the phone was not working, and she made plans for a get away well before the "accident" Why did she not use the services of the shelters that women have all over the United States if she was abused? There sure are enough public service announcements for it yet she was allowed to defame her husbands name. Oh yea...there was little said about her falling for the scam in which she lost $17,000 which her husband did not know about but was about to find out...thus the motive.
The Early Show on CBS had a segment on a new women's shelter created
after a police chief murdered his wife and then took his own life.
I am not sure of the actual situation in this case, but I do know
many of these happen when one is falsely accused and are about to
lose all they have. I sent this to the Early Show. (there is
a "contact us" at the bottom of their web site:
http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/earlyshow/main500202.shtml
I just saw your segment on domestic violence. Most all of what I see
in the media is one sided. There are over 2,000 shelters for women
in the United States and every state has laws to protect women.
There are only three shelters that will help men who are abused and
none of them can accept his children, yet men are abused at an equal
rate as are women. Even according to the Department of Justice, 39%
are men and that is with many men being arrested when they are the
victims. This of course would throw off any demographics so that is
why I believe the real rate is equal.
Many wanted to get Congress to change the Violence Against Women Act
to a Domestic Violence Act which would give equal protection to both
men and women and would hold each equally accountable for their own
actions. Many groups which state they want equal rights for women
were violently opposed to this showing they do not want equality,
they want superiority. To look at only one side of this issue
before passing these types of laws is like asking the KKK to write
Racial Relationship laws.
I contend that the VAWA is more about money then about real abuse.
When we reward someone for being abused, we will find many
more "victims" We are told many myths regarding domestic violence
such as more women go to the emergency room for domestic violence
then for rapes muggings and auto accidents combined. In reality,
more go for dog bites then for domestic violence.
The real rate of domestic violence is far far less then the numbers
these "advocates" state it is. Women and children are safest in
intact homes when they are married.
Why not get input from all sides? I also ask that why did the media
stop asking those that may oppose a viewpoint for their side of the
issues?
We have written about murder/suicides. I firmly believe many of
these are due to false accusations for which these men know they
will lose everything they had including their children with out due
process of law
I also believe that a police officer would know the deck is stacked
against him although I am not saying this was the situation in this
case.
Unless we look at both sides, more women will be harmed as well as
more men. Is it not time to Value ALL our people? Is it not time to
hold each adult responsible and accountable for their own actions
instead of allowing them to say someone made them do it?
One of our children's advocates did some research on this case. Within moments she discovered that there was NO accusations of domestic violence against David until midway through a heated divorce although there was a lot of evidence that she abused him which was sweep under the rug after this incident.
Duke Case: Unusual Only Because The Prosecutor Got Caught
Now that the Duke Lacrosse players have been declared innocent by the new district attorney, we're being told that this is an unusual case caused by one out-of-control prosecutor. It's not. The only thing unusual about this case is that the innocent victims of false accusation had the resources to defend themselves against the overwhelming power of the state. Just as rape is unquestionably a serious problem, so too are false accusations of rape. Too many prosecutors fail to recognize that it's not an either/or choice. Both are true.
Since most of those falsely accused of rape lack the resources to defend themselves, the system convicts many innocent men. Even when the accuser later owns up, the system resists correcting the injustice. Consider Illinois' notorious prosecution of Gary Dotson. Dotson's accuser spent half a decade guilt-ridden over having put an innocent man in prison. When she finally confessed, prosecutors didn't want to hear it. They had reason to stonewall. State police forensic scientist Timothy Dixon had given perjured testimony.1
Wrongdoing by the city of Marlborough, Mass. resulted in a $13.6 million judgment against them for causing the imprisonment of an innocent man. Eric Sarsfield, who spent nearly a decade in prison for a rape he did not commit, says he and the rape victim were "manipulated, cheated, and betrayed by law enforcement officers more interested in closing a case and getting a conviction than in playing by the rules."2
Nifong is no "rogue prosecutor". In too many places in the country, Nifong's behavior is standard operating procedure.
Our system has become so disinterested in protecting the rights of the falsely accused that some people now think making false accusations is a good business plan. In Sacramento, Calif., Jessica Langshaw falsely accused three men of rape and five others of sexual assault in order to extort $500,000 from them.3
Objective research indicates that about half of reported forcible rape accusations are false.4,5 That also means that about half are true. A blanket policy of treating all accusations as true causes just as much harm to innocent people as would be caused if the policy were to treat all such accusations as false.
TRUTH relies on ALL sides being heard. When one relies only on half the information, there can be no truth.,...only a witch hunt.
Just about every entry here looks at only ONE side of this issue. Shattered Men has proven we DO look at BOTH sides. We will keep on doing so with or without any help from others as we have already shown that we have helped many with a very low budget but I do ask....the next time you read of a murder/suicide...ask yourself it it could have been prevented if someone had listened...to BOTH SIDES!
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1 http://www.law.northwestern.edu/depts/clinic/wrongful/exonerations/Dotson.htm
2 http://www.telegram.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061007/NEWS/610070361/1116
3 http://www.da.saccounty.net/pr/030417_langshaw.htm
4 McDowell CP. False allegations. Forensic Science Digest, Vol. 11, No. 4, December 1985
5 Kanin EJ. An alarming national trend: False rape allegations. Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 23, No. 1, 1994 http://www.sexcriminals.com/library/doc-1002-1.pdf
Early Sunday Morning, April 1st, 2007 someone hacked into my account and deleted the interactive group for Shattered Men. This is where most of the work for Shattered Men was done. They also gained access to the e-mail account that we used which contained confidential information from our membership both as an ordained minister and as a registered nurse but it appears they simply deleted that as quickly as they could but we lost several thousand messages there too.
In this deletion, we lost all of the information that has been posted since Oct. 31, 1999 including over 40,000 messages along with the contact information for 990 members.
We will rebuild. Yahoo is working on trying to recover some of this information and they have said they do know who did it. We will be requesting criminal charges be filed with the FBI who has already been contacted regarding this.
Although there is overwhelming evidence from unbiased sources that men make up 38% to half the victims of abuse, very few resources are available for men. In turn, this actually harms more women.
Unless we look at BOTH sides, we will not resolve this problem but it appears that someone is willing to break United States federal laws to keep BOTH sides from being exposed!
Our new interactive group is at:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Shatteredmen/
Pastor Kenneth Deemer
Director Shattered Men
P.O. BOX 166
MARION INDIANA 46952-0166
shatteredmen@earthlink.net
JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month
Web site: http://www.shatterdmen.com
Interactive Group: http://health.gro
The criminal action taken against Rev. Deemer and the men his ministry serves is typical of the type of actions taken against anyone who speaks out against domestic violence against men.
From Erin Pizzey, who was told by Scotland Yard that they could not protect her against the death threats against her family, to Suzanne Steinmetz, who had to cancel speaking engagements due to bomb threats made against the venues, to the men who are in prison for defending themselves against women with murderous intent, the violence against men, and those who would support them, continues.
It is for this reason (among many others) that Changemakers should take the lead in taking a stand against domestic violence against men.
"It is for this reason (among many others) that Changemakers should take the lead in taking a stand against domestic violence against men."
Bill.....if you have seen the 15 finalist...you will see that not there is NO help for abused men here....just as in the laws of the land. The Violence Against Women Act gives billions to abused women and rightly so..but not ONE DIME to help half the victims of domestic violence. As always men are expendable for political correctness. As a result I fear that more WOMEN will be harmed because no one wants to hear the TRUTH...and to be true...BOTH sides have to have input.....
A message I wrote about Virgina Tech applies here:
By now, many of you have heard the tragic news coming from VIRGINIA
TECH where a lone gunman shot and killed 31 people. Many others are
in hospitals with gunshot wounds. Our prayers are first of all with
those that are wounded who may be clinging to life. Our prayers are
also with the families and the students who have lost friends and
loved ones and who may have been at the site even wondering if they
would be the next victim.
There are no words to describe this tragic event. At this time we do
not know a motive but I can not think of a single motive to justify
this type of action. Still it would help to understand why some may
get to this point of desperation.
Students often communicate their plans before attacks. Kip Kinkel
wrote in his journal, "Hate drives me. ... I am so full of rage. ...
Everyone is against me. ... As soon as my hope is gone, people die."
After he was expelled for bringing a gun to school in Springfield,
Ore., the 15-year-old killed his parents, then two students in the
school cafeteria, on May 21, 1998.
"As soon as my hope is gone....people die" I think that says it
best. Most of these type of things happen because the shooter feels
hopeless and that nothing will ever get better.
I ask....how many people is our society placing in a position to feel
like they have lost all hope?
MSNBC has a list of ten myths in school violence located at:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15111438/page/2/
One I would like to accent:
Myth No. 9. "We did everything we could to help him."
"Many attackers felt bullied, persecuted or injured by others prior
to the attack," and said they had tried without success to get
someone to intervene. Administrators and teachers were targeted in
more than half the incidents.
I did send this to MSNBC news: (Please read my conclusion after this
message to them)
I would like to refer to myth #9 "We did everything we could to help
him."
It goes on to say that many of these shooters did try to get help but
they had tried without success to get someone to intervene.
Our society is setting up a whole group of people who have been
trying without success to get someone to help them. No one is
listening.
A few months ago, a man killed his ex wife and then shot a judge
through a window. He tried to get someone to listen. No one would.
I have been working with hundreds of men who are trying to get
someone to listen to their side of domestic violence but most often,
they are the ones arrested for being abused. One of our men was
taking his son away from an abusive mother when he was stabbed in the
back. She told the police someone kidnapped her son and if I
remember right, he did it at gunpoint. The police did stop him while
he was still bleeding from the stab wound and despite his pleas that
he was protecting his son, they threw him on the ground forcefully
and gave his son back to an abusive mother.
This is far from uncommon. The Department of Justice states almost
40% of all domestic violence victims are men (this in spite of many
men being arrested for being abuse) but there is still not one dime
of money to help these men and their children. (there is strong
reason to believe the abuse rate is equal between men and women)
Many of these men state they feel helpless and hopeless. I
wonder...are we setting up a whole group of people to become this
desperate?
Anytime I hear about a murder/suicide, I do wonder what would have
happen if we listened to BOTH sides of the story?
We do have a lot of information on this because we do feel that the
best way to resolve this conflict is to look at BOTH sides
There are many resources from unbiased sources...sources that do not
get paid for what they find. If we use only the biased sources, it
would be like asking Ronald McDonald what the best hamburger is.
There are some resources you can check:
http://www.mediaradar.org/
RADAR Special Reports
Effects of VAWA
Threat to Families
VAWA Discriminates Against Male Victims
Abuse of Domestic Restraining Orders
Justice Denied: Arrest Policies for DV
Bias in the Judiciary
A Culture of False Allegations
Has VAWA Delivered on its Promises to Women?
To conclude, Unless we look at BOTH sides, the problem will not be
resolved, it will only get worse
Pastor Kenneth Deemer
Director Shattered Men
P.O. BOX 166
MARION INDIANA 46952-0166
shatteredmen@earthlink.net
JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month
Web site: http://www.shatterdmen.com
Interactive Group: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Shatteredmen/
The feelings of being helpless and hopeless will make anyone
dangerous. Many have exhausted all of their resources trying to
fight an unjust system and then they will either give up and do
nothing, or they sometimes take drastic actions. If you have gotten
to this point I would like to encourage you to become A Formidable
Enemy and to fight this system in the right ways.
http://www.shatterdmen.com/Enemy.htm
I also want to remind each one that King David felt like this too.
In fact, many have felt hopeless but they did find hope in one man,
Jesus Christ. He has promised that someday real justice would be
given and no one will pull the wool over HIS eyes. There will
however be two judgements...you can make sure you are at the right
one with this link
http://www.shatterdmen.com/first_step.htm
Pastor Kenneth Deemer
Director Shattered Men
P.O. BOX 166
MARION INDIANA 46952-0166
shatteredmen@earthlink.net
JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month
Web site: http://www.shatterdmen.com
Interactive Group: http://health.gro
Your Changemakers Competition: No Private Matter! Ending Abuse in Intimate & Family Relations - is vitally important for identifying and highlighting best practices and models in the constant challenging of addressing global violence against women and girls and abuse in intimate and family relations. Domestic violence is universal, impacting all countries, levels of society, and personal demographics. Because it occurs in the private sphere, it is harder to have awareness, social action, and support on the multidimensional social and personal scars of domestic violence.
For 13 years, I was a trained Domestic Violence Advocate on contract, in a major metropolitan area. I took the night shifts, often on week ends. Many of the calls first came from the police. Then, we worked with the victims. The stories and pain echo in my mind and soul. The hope was the call for help. I also remember when we first used the Language Line, and were able to more effectively serve our increasing immigrant population.
I am pleased to share with you a poem by Paulette Kelly on fatal domestic violence. The reality is that women and girls do die because of violence in private and family relationships. May we continue to strive to create peace in our world, and very much in personal relationships.
Lois A. Herman
Coordinator WUNRN
Women's UN Report Network
I GOT FLOWERS TODAY
Dedicated to all battered women
By Paulette Kelly
I got flowers today!
It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night. And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt.
I know that he is sorry and didn’t mean to say the things he said
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today!
It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night he threw me into a wall and then started choking me.
It seemed like a nightmare, but you wake up from nightmares to find they aren’t real.
I got flowers today!
It wasn’t Valentine’s Day or any other special day.
Make up and long sleeves didn’t hide the cuts and bruises this time.
I couldn’t go to work because I didn’t want anyone to know - but I know he’s sorry
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today!
And it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day.
Last night he beat me again, and it was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him now, what will I do? How will I take care of the kids? What about money?
I’m afraid of him, but I’m too scared and dependent to leave him. But he must be sorry
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today...
Today was a very special day - It was the day of my funeral.
Last night he finally killed me - I was beaten to death.
If only I would have gathered the courage and strength to leave him.
The women’s shelter could have helped me, but I didn’t ask for their help.
So I got flowers today...for the last time.
Communication from Joan Holmes,
"Today, March 8, International Womens Day is the day that offers the world community the opportunity to celebrate the contributions of women and come to grips with the fact that millions and millions of our sisters are discriminated against, treated as second class citizens, and live oppressed and constricted lives.
The truth is, gender discrimination is the greatest human rights violation in our world today.
A staggering number of women unnecessarily die in childbirth each and every day.
For the first time in the history of HIV/AIDS more women and children than men are infected.
Of the children not in school, most are girls.
Two-thirds of the worlds illiterates are women.
80% of the worlds refugees are women and children.
Violence against girls and women is endemic.
130 million women have suffered female genital mutilation.
100 million girls and women are missing from our world because of sex-selective abortion, female infanticide, malnourishment, abuse and neglect.
Not only is the selfhood of millions and millions of women denied, but gender discrimination is also the primary cause of the persistence of hunger and abject poverty, the rapid spread of HIV/AIDS and a key contributing factor to the unchecked violence that plagues our world.
So today, in commemoration of International Womens Dayand in support of our sisters in the developing worldI urge you to speak up and speak out about the status of women in our world. I encourage you to share this communication with your family, friends and colleagues. Together, lets break the silence that shrouds, and keeps in place, gender discrimination in our world.
Upcoming Book
To me, there is no issue on the planet more important than the subjugation of women, and I am deeply committed that this extraordinary violation of human rights comes to an end. The gender inequality of women in the developing world is the great moral issue of our age, and it is the primary cause of the persistence of hunger and abject poverty and the rapid spread of HIV/AIDS.
I am writing this book to make these issues known. I am writing this book to give voice to the marginalized, voiceless, powerless and invisible women of the developing world. I am writing this book so the reader can take a stand that this senseless, largely invisible, devastating oppression come to an end.
This book will make known the cradle to grave discrimination of women in South Asia, as well as the lifetime of drudgery for women in Sub-Saharan Africa. The book will make the case that women are at the center of development and that they must be empowered as the key change agents if our world community is to resolve the key issues facing us.
Ive lived in India and spent time in 17 countries of sub-Saharan AfricaI know the women of the developing world. Ive been in their homes. Ive met their children, and I know their lives. I promise you that they are worthy of being known, supported and empowered. In fact, if we continue to oppress them, we do so at our own peril.
It is my intention to finish writing the book by the end of this year. We want to make this book widely available, in multiple languages. I will keep you apprised of the progress of the book. If you have comments or questions, please send them to Priyanka Sinha at ps@thp.org.
I deeply treasure our relationship and partnership,
Joan
March 8 is International Women’s Day: A Day to celebrate partnerships to end abuse!
Family violence touches women, men, elders, children. International Women's Day is a day to celebrate and reflect the achievements made in empowering women to live free of violence and to reflect on how strong partnerships can help us end all forms of intimate violence and abuse.
There are many global achievements for women and their families and partners to celebrate today. A recent UN study found that 89 countries have adopted legislation addressing domestic violence. Many more have legislation in draft form or have adopted action plans to end gender-based violence. 104 countries have made marital rape a crime.
The building blocks of prevention are increasingly sound. The Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW) has been ratified by 185 countries placing women’s human rights front and centre on the agendas of governments. Laws and policies are being adopted to strengthen women’s economic security including her access to land and capital, her right to work and the unleashing of her market savvy and business networks. Measures to increase women’s political participation have been adopted in more than 95 countries.
How can these achievements be transformed on the ground, in the every day lives of women and their families and partners, allowing all to live free from violence, abuse and neglect? How are women forging partnerships with men, businesses and education to fuel this transformation? How is our work in violence prevention addressing the link between poverty and violence? Where can we engage religious and spiritual leaders? What are some encouraging examples of partnerships with media? Do we have award programmes for young women, boys and girls for their leadership in violence prevention?
Inspiring examples have been posted on the No Private Matter! Competition site so far. In the three weeks ahead to the March 28 deadline, we look forward to seeing how individual commitment to innovation, impact and sustainability will help to scale up the movement to end abuse and take the achievements we celebrate today to the next stage.
What have we learned from child abuse and gender based violence that can be applied to the movement against elder abuse? In myriad ways, generations are interwoven and interdependent. Each one of us will age and die. At some level each of us is aware of these truths. How is it then, that our interpersonal relationships, institutions and policies can be elder blind? In the world of bottom lines and just-in-time, are we conditioned to equate value of a human being with his or her ability to produce and re-produce for the economy in conventional ways? Do our cultures, media and education systems teach us that the value of our friends, family and community members have a shelf-life?
Elder abuse has emerged into the public sphere quietly, a silent sister to child abuse and other forms of family violence. Similar to other types of violence, abuse of the elderly includes physical, sexual and psychological abuse, as well as neglect. Elders are particularly vulnerable to economic abuse. Several factors contribute to the vulnerability of elders to abuse and neglect. The loss of friends and family and weaker bonds between generations may cause elders to be left behind by those who would traditionally have cared for them. It can be caused by the stress of providing care for a dependant as they develop infirmities. Systems of inheritance and land rights affect the distribution of power and material goods within families, a gender issue as well as an elders’ issue. In cultures where women have inferior social status, elderly women are particularly at risk of being abandoned.
Although statistics on rights, status and abuse of elders are scarce, Helpage International and the WorId Health Organization confirm that people around the world experience poverty and discrimination as they age. In Mozambique high levels of illiteracy among older people limit their knowledge of their legal rights. In Rajasthan, India, only 6% of respondents in a survey reported having a source of income. A survey undertaken by HelpAge International in Nanyuki province in Kenya, indicated 3 in every 10 older people are abandoned at hospital and paramedics reportedly suggest giving precious drugs to old people is wasteful. Where there are good support services for the elderly, they may have difficulty accessing them. Older people in Bolivia are entitled to pensions and free health carebut only 32% make use of them due to lack of documentation, particularly in rural areas. Recent surveys have also indicated that older people are the lowest priority among humanitarian agencies worldwide. In the weeks after the Indian Ocean tsunami disaster in December 2004, a survey of 1,507 older people in Cuddalore, India, revealed most had received very little or no benefit from aid relief efforts underway.
Some progress has been made to bring elder abuse to light. The International Network for the Prevention of Elder Abuse (INPEA) was founded in 1997, a global network committed to the prevention of elder abuse. The United Nations convened on the topic in 2002 and all countries adopted the Madrid International Plan of Action on Ageing, which puts elder abuse in the framework of Universal Human Rights. HelpAge International has named ten actions to end age discrimination, including advocating for social pensions for all elders to protect us all from poverty as we age. On June 15, 2006, the first World Elder Abuse Awareness Day was held, a collaboration of individuals, NGO's, academics, governments and corporations.
Much is still needed to inform communities and professionals about elder abuse. More needs to be done to awaken our sense of gratitude and respect for elders and change neglectful policies. How can abuse prevention programmes everywhere become more elder sensitive?
While I completely agree with Lisa and others on the importance of increased attention to elder abuse, an equally important area in need of attention is abuse of people with disabilities. Children, the elderly and people with disability share one key characteristic in common -- their vulnerability. Women and men may be empowered to protect themselves to a large extent, but small children, the frail elderly and people with disability need a different approach that focuses on protection and prevention. Lisa was disappointed that there were only three entries focused on elder abuse, but there are none that I could see that focus on protection of people with disabilities.
Those who have a developmental disability are especially at risk because they are unable to protect themselves, are often very trusting and are easily taken advantage of.
Young children, many of the elderly and many disabled people are also especially vulnerable to physical and psychological abuse because of the strains that their care may impose on carers, particularly when the carer lacks support. Thus, support systems for carers is an important strategy for prevention of abuse in these cases.
Respect for the human dignity of small children, the elderly and people with disability is also an important element of prevention. Recently in Australia in a very sad case, the parents of a seriously disabled boy who had been physically abused in the home where he had was "cared" for, was murdered by the parents because of their concern for his welfare when he was returned to the home. Fortunately, the court system had the sense not to impose a jail sentence although the finding was one of murder.
Violence against the disabled remains an aspect of domestic violence that still requires attention, in our schools, in the community and in institutions. Perhaps some of the existing programmes participating in this competition could consider how they might contribute?
I second Lorraine on the issue regarding abuse of disabled people. I work in the area of sexual assault and am part of a Coalition on Victims and Vulnerable Populations where we are trying to address the particular vulnerability of disabled individuals to sexual assault and domestic violence. Our entry is designed to specifically work to increase awareness, broaden training of allied professionals, and develop more appropriate services to individuals in need of specialized services, better and more appropriately trainined personnel and improved access to services.
Carol Ann Olson
Rappahannock Council Against Sexual Assault
Fredericksburg, Virginia
www.rcasa.org
Connection between disability and Abuse of women (their mothers).
I strongly support the views that encourage raising awareness on abuse of the disabled people. The issue of abuse of disabled people is a global issue. Yet, in most cases in Africa, this abuse does not only stop at the person with a disability. It goes a long way to affect the mother of such a person. In many African communities, disability is associated with a curse. Therefore, a woman who gives birth to such a child is regarded as a curse and therefore a bad omen to the family and the community as a whole. Consequently, a woman who gives birth to a child with disabilities is normally beaten by her husband and other members of the husband’s family or even chassed away from her matrimonial home because she is considered to having bad luck.
I once worked with a project called Community Action to Support Education which was trying to change the attitudes of community members and parents to view the disabled children in the same way as their normal counterparts and help to integrate them to the regular school system. However, many parents and the community at large seemed to have a very negative attitude towards these children to an extent that they would hide them whenever community volunteers approached their homes to make follow-up on the progress of the children or whenever they wanted to get them registered into school. The family would rather hid such a child, and pretend that it does not exist, or violently abuse the mother including physical abuse or sending her away from the family because “she has brought a bad omen to the family”. Therefore, I strongly insist that empowering women is a very important aspect of eliminating abuse for all types of people, in homes, communities and in our world. An empowered woman will stand from her God given position of motherhood which is filled with love, to protect the interests of her child who has a disability.
M.H. Lubelsky In Canada Elder abuse is the most hidden crime. Living in a social mosaic, we still do not acknowledge negligence, psychological abuse, and financial abuse within the main stream of our society, and it is certainly the most hidden form of crime within our ethnic and cultural minorities. Many of our seniors in different cultural communities, speak neither English nor French, consequently they become isolated and as they age they become more dependent, and must rely on institutions, which neither understand nor are able to accommodate the needs of seniors, whose birthplace is not Canada. The myths that families are able to take of their seniors, within the cultural communities still prevails. We started a program to sensitize elders within different ethnic communities, using 'Forum Theater', to present cases of abuse, which has the possibility to escalate to more violent forms of crime. It is a huge task we have undertaken. We are reaching a limited number of seniors and our goal is to sensitize elders, not only to recognize abuse committed against their peers, but become advocates to prevent further abuse.
I personally have been involved with a marginalized segment of society, most of my adult life. It is only lately I have observed a greater awakening and expression by seniors about the treatment and the lack of respect they receive in our society. This to me this is encouraging, but it is not enough to solve the problem.
Dear CM Community – There have been some recent questions on the eligibility and criteria of the “No Private Matter!” Competition. With that, I wanted to take the opportunity to draw attention to the NEW Changemakers Frequently Asked Questions, which answers questions ranging from eligibility, how to enter, evaluation criteria, and deadlines. I’ll list a few of the most common questions below, but encourage you to browse the section whenever you may have a question on CM. And of course, if you have new, unanswered questions, please let us know through the "contact us" button at the top of the page.
What are the criteria for winning?
The winners of this Changemakers Collaborative Competition will be those entries that best meet the following criteria: Innovation, Social Impact, and Sustainability. Visit the competitions section to learn more about the criteria and guidelines.
Is geography a consideration in the competition judging?
Changemakers promotes participation from innovators around the world but country of origin is not part of the assessment criteria. Changemakers evaluates each entry on its ability to demonstrate innovation, social impact and sustainability.
It’s a privilege for me to add a few comments to this important discussion. There is no doubt in my mind that sustained global engagement of those working on the challenges posed by abuse and violence in all variations is a critical step to ending the cycle of abuse.
In partnership with Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, Ashoka’s Changemakers.net’s No Private Matter! collaborative competition is an unprecedented opportunity to look carefully at the problem of abuse using Ashoka’s global viewpoint to map the problem and open source solutions.
In my 20 year association with Ashoka I have had distinct priviledge of viewing the world through a lens of solutions rather than problems. Changemakers’ “open sourcing social solutions” approach shares this all too-rare perspective with the world. It is this shift in perspective which is required for change. This effort in open sourcing is a special blend of global, organizational, institutional, and individual transparency. It is rooted in the conviction that self-motivated, self-selecting changemakers, committed to action -- will solve the problems that matter most.
Intimate and family abuse undermines the very core of human dignity. I encourage you to take this opportunity to profile your solutions and to dialogue with citizens who are committed to innovation, impact and sustainable solutions. Together we will bring the issue into the open and ensure it is no private matter.
In the United States, more than 30 years ago, domestic violence survivors and their allies across the country took groundbreaking steps to break the silence and demand safety, healing and accountability. Groups of women transformed their personal pain and outrage into a national movement. The domestic violence movement developed shelters and services, changed public policy and influenced societal norms. It has achieved remarkable gains, realized primarily through efforts to pursue safety for victims and accountability for perpetrators. Regrettably, however, in the 21st century intimate partner violence (IPV) remains an unacceptably common problem, and one that transcends all countries and cultures.
At the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation (RWJF), we believe that innovative approaches are needed to break the continuing tragedy of intimate partner violence. We know that innovators throughout the world are addressing this critically important issue, and hope that this Changemakers competition will point the way toward new solutions that may curb IPV in the U.S.
Greater attention to advancing promising prevention approaches is essential to furthering the field and achieving dramatic reductions in rates of IPV. We are excited to collaborate with Changemakers on the “No Private Matter!” competition and hope that everyone who cares about this problem and has ideas about how to address it will actively participate. The innovative solutions and collaborative feedback that you submit will be tremendously valuable in informing RWJF’s thinking on future efforts to reduce IPV in the United States.
Jeane Ann Grisso, M.D.
Senior Program Officer
Robert Wood Johnson Foundation